ariella, tim and i walk into “savoury” seafood restaurant in downtown tacloban.
the menu is in english.
we ask what a word we don’t understand is, and the waitress responds with a very assertive “no.”
so we decide to order things we recognize – “shrimps with peas” and “crab meat.” the crab meat is by far the most expensive item on the menu, so it better be the real deal and not that fake, artificially pink rolled-up stuff, right?!
ten minutes later a different waitress comes out, looks at us, starts giggling, and runs back into the kitchen.
she comes back out after collecting herself, and states “out peas.”
no more peas? okay, “we’ll take the shrimp with cauliflower instead then.”
“out cauliflower” comes the response.
“do you have any vegetables?”
“out shrimps.”
“oh, you don’t have any shrimp.” it is all coming together.
we order some calamari instead.
20 minutes after the calamari arrives, i inquire as to whether the crab meat will be ready soon. the waitress says “of course sir” very authoritatively.
15 minutes later, the rest of our food having long ago been eaten, i ask again. this time the waitress offers no response and quickly runs into the kitchen.
i decide to go back into the kitchen to see for myself if they are actually cooking any crab meat. the cooks are sitting around smoking and drinking, and nothing is being cooked. i ask if there is any crab meat being prepared. a cook responds: “we don’t have any crab meat sir, only shrimp!”
we decide to head out; the crab meat (and shrimp) will need to be a different night we suppose.
as we are getting up, a waitress calls out “wait!”
she brings out a plain egg omelet.
“crab meat momsir” she says (mom is the respectful filipino way to address a female, and momsir is often used to address males and females collectively).
we sit back down and eat the omelet. it hits the spot but is definitely just a plain egg omelet; no hint of crab whatsoever.
while the cashier is ringing up the bill, i inquire “what happened to the crab meat?”
the cashier says “we just brought you the crab meat.”
“but i definitely didn’t taste any crab meat. it tasted more like just plain eggs” (which were also on the menu, by the way, for about 20% of the cost of the crab meat).
“that is crab meat here, sir” comes the reply, audibly confused by my queries. “what were you expecting?”